I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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