At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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