I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
