I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
