I wannas sexs uuuuu
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize