Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
