I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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