you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
