sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My bed smells like the plague
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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