nut hugger
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
