Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
