I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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