ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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