His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
