the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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