I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
