1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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