I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
