Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm at about main and main street
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
