Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
