and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
