the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
