Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
