Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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