'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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