You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
