I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
