This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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