dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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