I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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