we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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