I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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