i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
