His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
