Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
