Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
