dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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