Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And then my night got REAL pukey
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
