she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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