ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me