Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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