You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)