She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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