I would do horrible things to your vagina.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...