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• (802): View more from Vermont

  You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  The one in Montpelier?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She didn't like my gingervitis joke

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)

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