I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
