Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
