So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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