My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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