I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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