You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
