i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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