I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
