I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
