Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
