Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
