I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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