So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
