That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how do you play pong handcuffed?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
