I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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