I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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