so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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