My Higher Power is John Stamos
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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