do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
