whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
