Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
