I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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