I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
